I know many people who are locked in a prison of bitterness. They spend their lives focused on the things that have hurt them and never move forward. Although I have been through a myriad of difficult times, I can confidently say that the worst of times produced strength in my character, faith in my God and tenacity in my spirit.

In addition to the growth in myself, difficult times are often what God uses to affect non believers in our lives. They see us going through hardship with peace and joy in our spirit and cannot reconcile the two. It allows the concept that being "in Christ" actually changes a person and makes them new.

"But thanks be to God who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God." - 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

I have family who don't believe in Jesus. Well, let me qualify that statement, they believe that a man named Jesus lived...and that he was a good man, somewhat of a prophet...a wise man, who helped some people...ugh

When I became born again I was nearly 37 years old. My conversion was very similar to the Damascus Road conversion of Saul....I went from negatively persecuting the thought of the bible as the word of God and Jesus as God himself, to being an insatiable reader of God's word and thanking  Jesus for not only being God, but for coming to die for me.

You would think that family members who saw me up close and personal...who saw the struggles and insecurities and poor state of my soul, would have immediately praised God for the changes in me. Suddenly I was bold, confident, and focused. I was reading the bible, praying out loud, declaring God's truth. I was going to church and bible studies and starting prayer groups. I was helping the less fortunate and concerned with the problems of my neighbors.

Some of my family members did see the drastic change and accredit it to Jesus...others saw it and tried to accredit it to me. I refuted the thought and assured them that I could never be "that good". I told them about Jesus and what He had done for them and for me. I told them that this wasn't just the mere act of me maturing (remember I was 37 with two children!), but the act of being saved and changed by a loving Holy God.

This never made sense to me until I read this scripture from 2nd Corinthians..."to one we are the aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life."

The things that brought me to life in Jesus were the broken things about me. It was my inability to help myself, change myself, that showed me that I needed Jesus. It was the seeds of truth planted years before in church that had germinated and begun to sprout with life that resonated in my spirit. It was the glimpse of my true self that led me to kneel in a state of humility and ask God to help me...to thank Him for sending Jesus, and to admit that I was wrong, a sinner who needed help.

Most of the things that "hurt" me growing up, are the things that I held so tightly that I became hard, rebellious, and prideful. I had convinced myself, that only I could be trusted to help myself, or care for myself. In my mind everyone else had a condition or a need that they wanted met and they would eventually take advantage of me. All people were selfish and narcissistic. I needed to look out for myself, to strike before I was stricken and to run ahead of the pack. I would build walls to protect myself from future hurts and be the watchman on top of those walls, ready to sound the alarm any time that I saw someone trying to get close...convinced that their ultimate goal was attack.

Jesus changed me. I am a new person. No credit is due me...everything new was from God.  

"Therefore,if anyone is in Christ, the new has creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here! All of this is from God who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. As God's co-workers, we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For He says,'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation." - 2 Corinthians 5:17-6:2

To the people who cannot understand why now that I have received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I want to talk about Him all of the time, and want them to know the truth about Him...It is because; it isn't just enough for me to be free....I want them to be free also!