From the moment that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I have been hearing how "over the top" I am. "There is no need to change your entire life" some say..."Why do you always have to talk about God so much? It makes me uncomfortable", others muse..."Because it is all that I can do" my spirit yells out at the top of it's lungs.

I grew up in a Church that never reached me. My memories are of a long and boring service peppered with garish organ blasts and hymns that made no sense to me. A scary looking man would ascend to the peak of his wooden pulpit and drone on endlessly...no one ever explained what he was saying...we didn't read the bible at home...our prayers were cold and rote...is there any wonder that I didn't love Jesus (I don't think I was ever introduced to him at church or at home)

My family had it's own stellar dysfunction as every family does. I was lost and bobbing in a sea of hypocrisy and boredom that eventually led me to rebel in every way that I could find. My life was as far from understanding the truth as a life can be.

I sought unconditional love over and over...each new relationship more broken than the last. In some sick way I feel that I sought out broken men to shock and dismay my parents at the time, to let them know the rage that my heart contained...it was a dark life, filled with sullen looks and void of any real joy.

Decades passed and still I was wandering through life. The only good thing that I managed to do was have children, and yet I did not realize where the gift had come from. In my lost and prideful state I managed to find the only unconditional love of my life which poured from me to them...yet still I yearned for that kind of love to come from someone else to me. I am not saying that my parents didn't love me that way, they did, but somehow though their inadequacies and shortcomings, the love never got interpreted by me that way. My brother was a special needs child and my sister so many years older than I that we had no real connection...I had come to the conclusion that this is what life had to offer, and politely waited for it to end some day.

When I had most definitely wandered as far from God as I think one can get...He began to relentlessly pursue me (well He had always been pursuing me, but this is when I became aware of His pursuit). All of the seeds that had been planted (even though my church and home life didn't teach me about God, the truths contained in his perfect word could not be damaged...even in a lifeless place, the life contained in His word remained dormant in my heart until I was ready and longing to receive it!) God's love pursues us, especially while we are still sinners.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person, someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

- Romans 5:6-8

Here is the truth...no matter how far you run, you can't outrun God. He is with you whether you realize it or not. The truth of God penetrates hearts (even stony cold and crusty ones like mine) and begins to free them and soften them, making them pliable and warm. Even if you are making a face as if something smells and shaking your head at me as you read this...even so, the word of God that you have read will reside in your heart, the seeds will sow, and my friend, someday, they will germinate. The truth is that the word of God is alive and active. The bible is not merely a book, but the truth of Jesus Christ and all of his glory in written form. The honest truth is that Jesus was not "just some man" but God himself, willing to forfeit his power and standing to come into this world as a baby, live among men, and die at their hands...all to conquer the death that they themselves had brought into the world that He had created. The truth is that even if you do not recognize the truth, that cannot take away it's power, and that truth has the power to save each and every one of us.

The book of Isaiah says that "So it is with my word that goes out from my mouth: It  will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." - Isaiah 55:11

Whether you realize it or not, God sends His word into our lives. His truth speaks in scriptures... through people... through nature....there is no escape, or excuse. The only thing that keeps us from turning back to God is the rebellion of our own hearts...the refusal to acknowledge our neediness, the pride of our fallen souls.

God is pursuing you. God loves you. God is able and willing to redeem you...all it takes is your belief and acceptance. All it requires is your desire to be free...He is waiting for you.