If you read yesterdays blog, the final thoughts organically set up today's post. Although I didn't plan it that way...there really is no other story that I should tell today .( If you didn't read yesterday's blog...what's wrong with you? Go read it first, and then come back....) - Sheesh

I have an incredible story to tell you if I could only figure out where to start....Many years ago I got married and had my daughter Lauren. I did not know Jesus as my Lord and Savior at the time. As the years passed the marriage strained to function in a healthy way, and eventually I felt that I wanted a divorce.

Lauren and I moved into our own apartment and I began over again without my husband. I promised my self that I would work diligently at preserving Lauren's relationship with her father. After all it wasn't her fault that the marriage had ended. I did everything in my power to keep a good relationship with him. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Over the years it got easier and both of us remarried. Now Lauren had four parents instead of two and somehow it worked pretty well.

We lived several blocks from each other which made it easy for Lauren to see both families. New siblings were being born and things got more complicated, but we had a good system going. We equally shared the responsibilities and the extraneous bills for Lauren like braces and new school clothing. The majority of the time we all got along, but when we did not, it was extremely uncomfortable. Lauren's dad and I had many disagreements and over time Jenn (his new wife) and I would end up on the phone trying to smooth things out.

From the first day that Jenn became part of the extended family I went out of my way to let her know that I appreciated Lauren having another woman in her life who loved her. I sent notes and we had phone conversations where I expressed my gratitude. I felt that it was the most important thing that I could do for Jenn, for Lauren, For myself.

Of course it was difficult, Jenn was much younger than me. She was beautiful and smart and friendly. The world said that I should not like her. The world told me that she was somehow my competition.  The world was wrong. We were very much alike. We would most definitely have been friends if my ex-husband was not involved...but he was. Why were the unspoken rules so different than what I felt? Why would I want to dislike the other woman that was helping to raise my daughter? Why would I want to hate instead of love?

As the years passed my daughter and I accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  I realized that I truly loved everyone in my ex- husband's family. This agape love was genuine and deep and moved me to tears. I wanted the best for them...all of them! It was a freeing, peaceful feeling which bubbled up from a place deep within my newly formed heart in Christ. It was awesome! But no one, and I mean no one, understood. The world still thought I was supposed to hate my ex husband and his new wife...I was to disdain their offspring together, and somehow find ways to chastise them all.

I fought like a salmon swimming upstream against the violent currents of the culture around me. I chose time and time again to fight thoughts of insecurity, envy, or comparison. I went out of my way to be loving. I offered help in every way that I could if their family ever had a need.

Some years later my family moved from the church that I had grown up in to a new church called Keystone Community Fellowship. Although I was saved and had a deep relationship with Christ, this church was leaving me hungering for more. From the very first service at Keystone, I knew that I was home. They read through the bible verse by verse, they had a program in place for discipling and the were missional minded. They had numerous small groups and an amazing youth group and college aged ministry.

I had a conversation with Jenn one day and she sounded hungry like I had been. Even though she attended a church and was very involved like I had been, there was something major missing. I invited her to come to my church's prayer and praise night. Jenn lived very far away now (over a half hour away) and this was a Wednesday night service that took place once a month. Jenn came that Wednesday night and everything began to change. She loved it and the kids loved the activities that were provided for them. My ex husband worked on Wednesday nights and was not able to attend. After awhile I suggested that the family might be able to handle one Sunday morning a month too. There are four kids at their house and they live 45 minutes from the church so I knew that it would be a challenge...but I also knew that they were supposed to be at Keystone.

They began coming and it wasn't too long before they came every Sunday! Lauren, for the first time in her life, had a place where her entire family came together once a week. It was wonderful. I paid careful attention to trying not to make anything awkward for my ex husband, and over time everyone settled into the new church family.

Little did I know that God had only just started to heal our families. Jenn and I spent hours on the phone as her faith started coming to life. She had gone to church her whole life, but never truly given everything to Jesus. As God would have it, someone need to tell her that He wanted ALL of her, the good, the bad, the ugly...everything. After all that's what God wants from us, everything just as Jesus gave everything for us. I knew in my spirit that these were the words that He wanted me to say to her. How was I going to do this?...it was definitely going to be weird, there were so many things that could go wrong...but the urgency that I felt was so strong I knew I had to say it.

The following Sunday, God had it all planned, Jenn had to come to church alone for some reason that I cannot remember. She sat with us at church. She sat right next to me. During the middle of worship, when my mind and heart were totally focused on God, while my hands were raised in adoration and my spirit was praising the Lord, he told me "Say it now". I jumped back into the moment and startled, looked around..."Do it now, say it now, tell her, tell her, tell her that I want all of her." God said. I leaned over and touched Jenn's shoulder and whispered God's words into her ear. I felt immediate relief, and began again to praise God not knowing the implications of what I had just done.

Jenn processed the words on her long ride home alone and at home I began to wonder if I had just ruined a good thing and made our relationship weird. I called her and tried to explain that the words were not mine...that they were from the Lord."I know it's hard to believe but" I said, and Jenn interrupted me. "It is exactly what I needed to hear" she said. And we talked for hours that day.

I eventually asked Jenn if I could disciple her (another prompting of the spirit) and to my delight, she said yes. Since that time we have entered into that deep and sacred relationship and many amazing things have happened. Jenn got baptized, so did my ex husband, and their children.

God is bigger than broken families! God is bigger than any lack you can mention. God can make a way where there is not a way...people listen to me...God can do it, and will do it if you will only get out of the way and allow him to use you.

"But Amanda, how does this relate to your Malawi trip, and why is this post soooooo long?" you ask...Because Jenn, Lauren, and I are all going on this mission trip to Malawi together! (And it is a very complicated story, I think I shortened it pretty well thank you very much!)

God can do anything with a yielded and contrite heart. He says love your enemies, and when you do lives are changed forever...people get saved for eternity, and God is glorified.

Mark 4:20 says that "And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God's word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as has been planted."

My greatest desire is to be good soil, producing many new believers for God's kingdom. I am thankful for the opportunity that he gave me...to have as part of my testimony this great story of healing, redemption, and love. I choose to love in all circumstances because God promises that it will produce eternal fruit. And I beilieve Him!