Honestly, some days I just don't know what I should write about. It's not that I don't have anything to say...it's that I have so much to say. I have been journaling since I came to Christ over 11 years ago. I believe that God reveals himself to people in many different ways. In my case, God speaks in parables about my every day life. I see "sermonettes" in just about everything. This makes blogging really hard for me. I am only certain that this is good discipline and that I need to push myself to be fully committed to being able to articulate my thoughts so as to share this Malawi experience in it's entirety someday. I sit down each morning to write, and never have a plan about what I will share. I pray and journal and read the bible and then decide where to begin. Today I opened the bible randomly and came to this scripture:

"The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust." - Psalm 103:13-14

God is like a father - tender and compassionate. Not every child has a tender and compassionate father however. Too often, sadly, the cycles of abuse and dysfunction rob children of loving fathers. If that is your situation, God offers Himself to be the father you never had or perhaps felt you never needed. You can receive His love in your heart by means of His Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). God can tenderly heal your deep loss.

There are many people who have received parents who have not played the positive encouraging roles that they were meant to...I know many abused and confused and refused ones...all of whom are adults who now struggle with the love of God as their father. I know just as many people who struggle with a mother who did not fill the parental role of protector and compassionate one. We need parents as children...we need love, provision, protection, support, encouragement, discipline, boundaries, challenges, inspiration...we need LOVE. When we do not receive these things we begin to rely on ourselves. We wall off certain places in our hearts and keep guard over them, vowing to be our own protectors.

God did not plan for dysfunction. The father, the mother, each have clearly defined roles in his model of a family, as does the child. But let's remember what happened here folks, it was Adam and Eve who changed everything with their rebellion...they stepped out from under the plan that God had for them...all creation fell and chaos eclipsed the goodness of God's order.

We want to blame God for what is lacking...Not only is it not His fault, but even in the midst of our falleness, He remembers that we are merely dust...He is willing and able to fulfill the role of "Parent" in every life. He is willing and able to heal your heart. He did not plan for the loss that you have had and grieved along side of you in the midst of it. What is it about our nature that we always want to blame God for what is wrong and rarely thank him for what is right? Our nature wants to be on the throne of our hearts...our nature does not belong there...only Jesus is able to sit on the throne. Jesus came and died for us. God sent his only son to die so that He could adopt us all and redeem us from the dysfunction of this world. God sent Jesus to save you! God loves you! God wants you!

"I thought to myself 'I would love to treat you as my own children!' I wanted nothing more than to give you this beautiful land - the finest possession in the world. I looked forward to you calling me Father and I wanted you never to turn from me."  Jeremiah 3:19

It is we who need to acknowledge and accept God as the father, as the mother, as the one who genuinely wants us unconditionally. In Christ you are in the Father and the Father is in you. We are connected, we are eternally family through the redeeming love of Jesus. Don't refuse the one who is loving you even though you don't acknowledge Him...let Him in to the places that you have been defending...let him heal your broken heart...let him love you the way He intended for you to be loved!