( I know, I know, I am supposed to write every day...I am trying to be disciplined, but some days it is just nearly impossible to find time to write.)

Today, while reading my bible I came across this scripture, "Sing, O childless woman, you who never gave birth! Break into loud joyful song...For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband. Enlarge your house, build an addition, spread out your home, and spare no expense! For soon you will be bursting at the seems. Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle ruined cities. Fear not; You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your creator will be your husband; the Lord of heavens is his name." - Isaiah 54:1-5

To be childless at this time in history was a woman's great shame, a disgrace. Families depended on children for survival, especially when the parents became elderly. Israel was unfruitful, like a childless woman, but God would permit her to have many children and change her mourning into singing.

In those days family was necessary to survive; parents cared for children, and then children in turn cared for their aging parents. In scripture, God promises to be the husband to the widow and the father to the orphan. When God formed the family, he ultimately had provision in mind.

What have we done? The nuclear family is almost extinct. In America divorce runs rampant. Children go without the leadership of a father or the comfort of a mother here. We place our elderly in homes run by strangers. Where is the unity which God created ?

I have been working with the elderly for more than 15 years now. During the past five years I have been with a woman who resides in a nursing home (I usually help people stay in their own homes). Being there as been an eye opening experience. Many of the residents have been shut away there, behind doors of excuse, waiting for the family whom they raised to come for a 15 minute visit, only to leave again, having appeased what is left of their own conscious.

So many families place their parents in a nursing home unnecessarily. There is much to be learned from aging and death. There are reasons that we are to nurture and care patiently for the parents who did the same for us in our youth. Our society has become narcissistic in nature. We are the "me" generation.  The strange thing is that this same society idolizes their children and neglects their elderly.

In the days of the bible children were important for survival. God had made a unit that would be self sufficient throughout the seasons and ages, fashioned much like His trinity, made to function in specific roles together so closely that even thought they were individuals, the unit was one.

Other societies do not even have retirement homes. European and Asian cultures still care for their aging parents. Their children are exposed to the wisdom of a long life and the natural turn of a immanent death. In America we have turned the tables somehow...many practically idolize their children. The child gets whatever they want, they are catered to and served with out boundaries or consequences...and we are beginning to see the effects in our culture.

Is it possible that God set us in families very much on purpose, and our deviating from his plan is resulting in the chaos we see abounding here? Is it possible that we need each other and that our spirits need the humbling effect of needing help to do even the most menial things, both when we arrive in this world, and as we ready to depart?

We are fallen creatures, and as if we were back in the days of Nimrod (Genesis 10) we build and conquer and enlarge our territories, striving to be our very own provider, our very own god. We strive like those who built the city of Babel, to reach the heavens by our own invention and with our own hand, as to not need the pesky creator who is actually the only one able to provide what we need.

We take every good place where God has created order and design, and we try to mold it into what we think will be a sturdy high tower to be awed, and as we tear apart what he has put together, we tear at the very fabric of our basic needs.

The repercussions of our actions are showing up in the news every day. Chaos abounds. Order is no more. Structure is no where to be found. We are floundering in a deadly sea of our own making.

Wherever their is lack in your life because of this broken world, God promises to provide. Even if you are alone, God promises to be you Husband and you Father...God is able to provide for you. He is able to restore what man has torn apart. Wherever you have lack, you can allow Jesus to come along side you and have abundance.

In this crazy time of self glorification, I am glad to have a perfect Husband and Father to care for me.

"No I will not abandon you as orphans - I will come to you." - John 14:18

We serve a God who knows what we need. He loves us and is able to be everything that we require. Wherever there is a need in your life, call out to the Lord and he himself will fill it to overflowing. Before you know it you will be encouraging others who are in need and sharing His perfect love.

Almost everyone knows a quote from Ecclesiastes. If you have ever been to a wedding or a funeral you have most certainly heard that "there is a season for everything, a time for every activity under heaven...a time to be born, a time to die..."(Ecc 3:1) There was even a song written about it in the 70's; "To everything turn, turn, turn...there is a season, turn, turn, turn" (you are welcome, it is stuck in my head too!) Ecclesiastes is full of wonderful things about the truths of life here on earth...things that we all have in common....the things that make us the same. Ecclesiastes also speaks quite a bit about Wisdom. Today I would like to look at a few thoughts from chapter ten that you probably haven't heard before (At least not at a wedding or a funeral).

"Using a dull axe requires great strength, so sharpen the blade. That's the value of wisdom; it helps you succeed." - Ecclesiastes 10:10

Trying to do anything with out the necessary skills or tools is like chopping wood with a dull axe.If your tool is dull, you need to sharpen it to do a better job. Similarly, if you lack skills, you should sharpen them through training and practice. "Sharpening the blade" means recognizing where a problem exists, acquiring or honing the skills to do the job better, and then going out and doing it. If you find the areas in your life where the axe is dull and sharpen your skills you can be more effective for God's work.

Wisdom helps you succeed in all occupations and endeavors. There are tools that must be kept in good order to be most efficient. Simply sharpening the blade of a dull axe can be a significant act of wisdom for those whose livelihood depends on it.

Ecclesiastes 10:11 says "If a snake bites before you charm it, what's the value of being a snake charmer?" Another, not so "recognizable" quote, but there is great wisdom here if we unpack it a bit. The purpose of charming a snake is to keep it from biting, but a snake charmer risks being bitten before the snake is actually charmed. Stay with me here...Some occupations or activities are so hazardous, that the wise man will never engage in them at all. These things are too dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.

"How are you going to tie all of this together?" you ask...I will try to be as coherent as possible as I write these posts really early in the morning (thank goodness for spell check!) I do feel that these two truths go hand in hand. Number one, they come, one right after the other in the chapter (a valid point I must say...sounds convincing). Number two, they both require wisdom to discern in every day situations. And number three, they both apply to a subject that I am a bit troubled by as our teams are preparing for the trip to Malawi.

You see, we have nearly thirty people going on this mission trip. Due to the large number of people, we have been broken into two teams. Each team will be lodging at a different location several miles from the other, but during our time there, we will all be working together at the orphanage.
Going to Malawi on this mission is nothing like going on a vacation. We will be traveling 19 hours on a plane. We will most likely have an 8 hour layover in Europe. We will be taking an open-air truck journey deep into the wiles of Malawi...this is a bumpy dusty path that faintly resembles a raod through the bush of Africa, not a paved highway by any means. We are going to be without electricity...without running water...without family and friends...without our customs, our culture, our time zone, our regular diet of foods, our language....the list is endless. We need to intentionally build team unity. We need to prepare.

The trouble is, that this is going to take time, energy, perseverance, effort, discipline, and wisdom!
Like most people in America, each one of us has a busy life. I have already blogged about this and I do understand the legitimate responsibilities that we all have, I really do! But...and this is a rather big but (no pun intended) Every last one of us chose to go on this trip. There is work to be done...there are axes to be sharpened, we need to be in the word of God. We need to be in private worship. We need to be in constant prayer. We need to be "All in" in preparation for the time there. There will be spiritual warfare the likes of which we have never seen before. Malawi has different principalities attacking them than America does. We will encounter people fully bound by the evil one and we MUST be ready. We must go wearing the full armour of God.

"Therefore put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the good news so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of e devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take up the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistant in your prayers for all believers everywhere."- Ephesians 6:13-18

We need a sharp sword (axe...tool...weapon). We also need to refrain from pursuits which are dangerous at this time. I feel that the situations some of us put ourselves in are like trying to charm snakes. Do we need to see, hear, or do some of the secular things that are acceptable to the world, but not to God? Is every one on the team aware of what will be required of us? Does everyone understand how the enemy will attack like an uncharmed snake if we get near him? This is life and death stuff here folks. This is real war. We are not going on a vacation, we are going into enemy territory and we must to be ready.

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of getting to know some of my team members better. We met for lunch at 1:45 and didn't leave until 5:15! It was absolutely awesome! We ended up sharing pretty much our entire life stories...how we ended up coming to Christ, and how we ended up eventually coming on this trip. We made plans to meet this Friday for prayer and fellowship. We are forming unity. My concern is for everyone on the team to get to do this before we leave. Friday night we will be asking God for guidance in this matter and acting in obedience to whatever He answers.

I started these blog posts as an intentional discipline to strengthen my skills in sharing what God has been doing in my life. I guess I am "sharpening my axe" here each morning. I don't know how this will assist me, but I do know that God's word says that it is wise to do so. I am willing to shift some things around in my life in order to be obedient to His word. I want to be ready. I don't want to miss even one opportunity to do the work that He has for me. After all that is why I am alive...why I am still here...my lungs breathing air and my heart pumping blood...He has work for me to accomplish for His kingdom. I might not always know what He has planned until the time comes, but what I can do is be prepared with skills, a knowledge of His word and a relationship with Him that is so close that I can Hear His direction and in total love, obey Him when it comes

I am praying for team unity, for individuals to have sharpened tools and to steer clear of unnecessary dangers. If you are reading this and you pray, I would ask that you include all of us in your prayers. Thank you for the prayers of the righteous are powerful.

Yesterday I was running late to pick up my brother. Doug is my older brother, but since he is a "special needs child", we have more of a mother - son relationship. As I was growing up it felt like I went from his little sister, to his equal, to more like his care giver. Doug is one of the reasons that I have such a strong motherly instinct. My kids call it "Mama bear" when I am defending any one of them. I tend to be quite the...well, lets call it, advocate...lol. I would just recommend not messing with my kids! You could get hurt in the process.

Anyway, Doug gets a bit upset if you are not on time. The traffic was unexpectedly heavy for a holiday weekend and as I made my way to East Norriton I found myself a few minutes late. I quickly called to have the house parents tell Doug I was running late (Doug lives in a residential home with other special needs men and the wonderful people there who assist them in daily living). I took a turn to get out of the traffic and went too far.

When I had turned around, and was headed back in the right direction, I  noticed a man on the side of the busy road. His face was fully bronzed by the sun. He had ruddy cheeks and long hair with a full beard. It was nearly 95 degrees out and he had on a long sleeved shirt and long pants. As I approached I saw that he had a cardboard sign in his hands which read, "Homeless - anything will help - God Bless You". Ugh...ugh, ugh! My heart strings..."What do I have to give him?" I thought as I approached the red light. (I used to always carry bags in my trunk with a water bottle, a soft granola bar, pop top canned raviolis, toiletries, candy and a bible... but I didn't have any left). I always tried to have one for just this kind of moment. A few years back I was running into people like this man everywhere and got the idea to have these bags made up and ready so that I could give them something and tell them about God.

The light turned green and I had to make a decision. Doug was waiting just a few minutes down the road for me to take him out to eat. I knew that God had taken me past this man on purpose, so I decided that after I picked Doug up, we would go to get some food together and, take it back and minister to the man on the road.

I picked Doug up and as we drove away from his house, began explaining where we were going. Doug was excited to help me. I do this sort of thing all of the time, but Doug had never had the chance. Doug has a huge heart for helping others...this was going to be awesome for him. I pulled into the nearest fast food place which was a Sonic. I walked up to the area for take out and waited to order. A typical American family of four was ahead of me. I tried to be patient as they ordered..."We'll have this meal, and that meal, but hold the pickles, and extra ketchup...no onion on that one and on the milkshakes my daughter needs sprinkles. My son will have the same but his sprinkles need to be blue only and can we get apple slices...Hmmmm, I don't know which kind of ice cream I....Honey do you want extra whipped cream?"...Oh my goodness, they literally took 15 minutes to order fast food! The contrast was so striking that I was certain God was making a point. Here was a family of abundance, living in a world of luxury and choice. Everywhere we go there are options; colors and sizes, shapes and "Toppings"...and here was this man just down the street with only the clothes on his back and a cardboard sign.

I ordered the food, asking the waitress what would come out fastest. I was worried that he may be gone, and along with him my opportunity to show him that some one  saw him...that some one cared.
I jumped back into the car and raced towards my goal, trying as I drove to figure out where I could turn to get near him and not hold up traffic. I saw as I approached him, that there was a parking lot behind the bushes where he stood. I made my way up to the entrance and turned in. I prayed with Doug that God would use this moment, that this would not just provide for this man's temporary physical needs, but somehow that we could share Jesus with him. I know that what he needed was hope...to believe that God saw him.

"For I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger am you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me. And these righteous ones replied, 'Lord, when did we ever see you and and feed you? Or see you thirsty and give you drink? Or a stranger and give you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will say, 'I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'." - Matthew 25:35-40

I brought the car to a stop at the far corner of the parking lot and got out, taking the food with us (I had put some money in the bag as well). I called to the man and held out the bag. When he saw the bag and the cool drink in my hand, his face lit up and was suddenly animated. "Thank you, thank you, God bless you...oh bless you" He said as he took the offering and quickly sat down on the curbing under a tree. We watched as he hurriedly took out the hamburger and ate large bites, breathing them in like air, as if he had been trapped under water and had finally broken the surface...he gulped it in. It was obvious that he had not eaten for some time. It occurred to me that I had a bible in my glove compartment. I quickly went to the car as he ate and brought it back to him. He was pulling the soda hard through the straw as I spoke. "I am not sure what you believe" I said, "But I would like to give you my bible"", I continued..."You see I can only imagine how hard things are for you right now, and I know that the food I bought for you will be finished soon, and you will get hungry again, but this food (I held up the bible in the air and his gaze fell upon it) this will keep you satisfied and full. I know it sounds impossible, but it is true. " I looked into his eyes and he stopped chewing, "I want to tell you that God loves you...that He sees you, that I am here for a reason, that He wants you to come to him. Please keep this and read this and if you can, believe what I am telling you. There is some money in the bag for some more food", I said and began to leave. "Wait", he said, "Are you sure, don't you need it?" I have a lot of bibles at home", I said, "I want you to have this one". "Thank you", he said with sincerity and I saw his eyes begin to fill in the corners. "I wish I could do more" I said", and meant it.

Doug and I got back into the car and I took him out to eat at a nearby restaurant. When we were done, we went back to see if the man was still there (and truth be told, to see if he took the bible with him). He was gone, and so was the bible. Funny thing was that there was a bunch of trash in the parking lot...none of it was from Sonic. This man, homeless and hungry...thirsty and desperate, had cleaned up and not littered, as passersby threw trash out of there expensive cars seemingly without regret.

This morning I awoke to a raging rainstorm. Thunder...lightening...sheets of water fell from the sky and quickly large puddles were forming in the thick grass outside my window. All I could think of was the man from the road...I prayed that he had found shelter...I prayed that he still had his bible...I prayed that he knew that God had not abandoned him, and I cried...thankful for all that I have been blessed with...

I know that by some standards, I don't have a lot...but my rich treasure is stored in heaven, where it lasts forever. My greatest provision will always be Jesus and the love that he has given me to share.

The book of Ecclesiastes is full of wisdom, it shares that "A wise person chooses the right road; a fool takes the wrong one." (ECC 10:2). No one wants to be the fool. We are all wise in our own minds...until we are honest with ourselves. If we are lucky, we may have good friends, the kind of friends who tell us when we need an adjustment...when our thinking or actions are off course. Those kind of friends are hard to find in a world that coddles and placates...in a Nation that is consumed with self justification and steered with pride. We all think that we are on the right road.

Some how growing up I knew that I wasn't on the right road, but I thought I was on the only road that I could choose. I saw a "this is how I am supposed to do it" road, and a "I have no idea how to do that" road. I was walking where I was walking, but I really had no idea how to get to where I should be. The skewed way that I thought persuaded me to see only two options; "insecure but here", and "good but way over there". My concept of both were tainted, I did not see through the eyes of a Just and Holy God, I saw through the eyes of a fallen and broken girl.

I roamed many years in a wasteland of illusion and supposition. I woke and started each day confused and uneasy. I had no idea that there was any other way. You know how when you are a kid and you have no idea that your family is dysfunctional (for those of us whose families were), and you go for a sleep over for the first time and see a family that is not dysfunctional...how that feels...it's crazy, you think at first that there is something wrong with them because it is so foreign to you. There is no yelling, no fighting, no manipulation, no controlling...ugh, you see total unconditional love!...and you (of course this is me that I am talking about, but you can join me if the scenario fits) feel a stirring in your spirit, a longing in you heart, and suddenly your hope sinks.

My little world opened up and I saw that my "road" was like some huge hamster wheel...I walked and walked, getting no where. I shiver to recall the feelings of loneliness, sadness, and low self worth. How could it be  that a child from an upper middle class Caucasian family living in the suburbs and fully sheltered, clothed, and fed, could feel this kind of suffering and lack. Wasn't it little children in third world Nations that felt this way? Wasn't it the kids with no parents or with abuse at home that wanted to scream and run away because nothing felt like it mattered...because nothing "felt" like anything at all...because they were completely and hopelessly numb? I was cut off and alone, as if an orphan, in a nice well kept home filled with parents and siblings and pets...I was already wasting away and I was only a child.

My family went to church every Sunday. I have faint recollections of a scary man in a black robe standing way up high and speaking into a microphone. He had a deep and slumbery voice and his sermons were endlessly incoherent. I struggled to sit still both inside and out. Being there felt like punishment. This was religion at it's best...just a bunch of stuff done over and over and nothing or no one ever changed.

I quickly rebelled against church as I knew it. There was no recognizable life or love there. Years passed and I fumbled and stumbled along, some days not even sure why I was alive. I was always trying to be who I thought that I should be...a camelion, a stage performer whose masks were colorful and convincing. But inside, inside it was exhausting! I just kept walking, round and round the wheel continued to turn...nothing ever changed but the time and the date...life was hopeless and had no purpose but to try to get through it.

I see that this post is quickly becoming my testimony of sorts, and although that is not what I originally sat down to share....it is most definitely what is coming out. What I was wanting to articulate is that I was (and in many areas still am) a fool. In a different era I would be wearing a crazy colorful hat with three points and bells and tights and curly toed shoes. I would be sitting in the corner of the classroom with the big white "dunce" cap sitting snugly on my head. As hard as I alone will ever try, I will be a fool with out God. You see God IS wisdom... His ways are made of truth, love, justice, mercy, compassion, redemption, salvation...WISDOM!

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:11

You see I had never encountered the one true God (especially at church). I had never understood that I really WAS lost, that I actually DIDN'T know what I doing, that my life actually HAD no purpose with out Him.

We were made for relationship with God. We need Him to fill the broken empty place left by the fall in the Garden of Eden. Our hearts were constructed for Him to be sitting on their throne. Only He knows how to guide a life properly. I always assumed that there was something wrong with ME. I was right and wrong at the same time. What was wrong with me was that I was incomplete without Jesus. My life needed Him sitting in a position of authority. What was lacking was my perfect teacher, my awesome parent, my best friend. I was meant to be led through this chaotic fallen maze of a world until it was time to leave for a perfect place in eternity.

I don't know where you are in life. I can't tell who it is that reads these things, and that is probably better for all of us that I don't. What I want to ask you is this; are you at peace, really at peace? Are you exhausted trying to get somewhere while you walk in hamster-like circles? Does life make total sense to you? Are you just trying to stay afloat? Are you in over your head and just resigned to the fact that "this must be all there is to life"...then please, just for one minute, consider that there is another way.

"Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink - even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk - it's all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good. You will enjoy the finest food. Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen and you will find your life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David. " - Isaiah 55:1-3

Come on...no one is watching...take a minute and talk to Jesus. Dare to hope that He is real and right there with you, and can come into your life (if you ask Him) and make it into something that feels right, that fits, that brings you joy and peace and lets you finally rest. I am telling you the truth because it isn't enough for just me to be at peace...I want you to have it too.

Too many of us stand at the dock waiting. We want the ship to be in place, the gangplank perfectly positioned, the weather just right, and an engraved invitation before we are willing to launch out.
Dreams don't move toward us, we have to move toward them. Instead of saying, "We have never done it before", say, "We have the opportunity to be first". Instead of saying, "We don't have the resources, say, "Necessity fuels invention". Instead of saying, "We don't have the expertise", say, "We will network with those who do". Instead of saying, "We don't have enough money", say "Maybe there is something we can cut".

"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God who does all things." - Ecclesiastes 11:4-5

Successful people do not spend the majority of their time thinking about what must be done. Instead, they spend twice as much time reflecting on what they have already accomplished, and on how they are capable of accomplishing what they set out to do.

Pursuing a Godly dream is difficult. Only those who think right succeed. Successful people see failure as a regular part of success, and they get over it. Every failure tells you what not to do. When something doesn't work you need to have the attitude that you have just made a discovery! Successful people keep trying, keep learning, and keep moving forward. They win the battle in their minds, and then it overflows into what they do.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for." - Hebrews 11:1

There is a strong relationship between our movement toward our dreams and the resources becoming available to us. Too often we want to see the resources, or have them in hand before we start moving forward. When we do that, we have neither the resources, nor the movement. We need to be like the snail that started climbing up the apple tree one cold day in February. As he inched his way upward, a worm stuck his head out from a crevice and said, "You're wasting your energy. There isn't a single apple up there." The snail kept on climbing, and replied, No, but there will be by the time I get up there!"

Over and over in scripture God sent people out with what seemed like little or inadequate resources. But when they got to where God wanted them to be, the resources needed to get the job done were in place waiting for them. Vision doesn't follow resources, it happens the other way around. First we have a dream, then we have to move forward. Then and only then, do people and resources follow, and the plan God has given us begins to fall into place. It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king's anger. He kept going because: "He Kept his eye on the one who is invisible." - Hebrews 11:27

Last night I had a small group gathering with friends from my church. Three and a half years ago, God put the dream on my heart to start a community group in my area. I prayed and I  listened, He heard and He answered. We moved forward together in a dance of sorts (Him always leading). There were times when things did not make sense. Those were the times that I sat and waited to hear from Him. There were times when I almost gave up, but then I remembered how God had given me the dream, and what he truly wanted was to bless me as I helped him to grow His kingdom. The core group of our group has been meeting weekly for almost a year and a half now. We spent many nights in prayer listening for what God had in mind for our community. Last night we had double the size with us, with others popping up left and right who want to join us in reaching out for the Lord and loving our neighbors through His truth and our service. At times it appeared that this group would never form, but God had a dream and shared it with me.

Currently God has been revealing His desire to reach out to the marginalized...the abandoned...the immigrants in our community.There are all kinds of things that seem like road blocks, but as I have prayed about them, God has moved the blockages and made a clear way for me to keep going. I truly believe that as I move in obedience, God reveals what has already been there waiting for me. Like Abraham with his son Isaac bound on the altar, when we show the intentions of our heart as obedient, God shows us the answer, the sacrificial ram, caught in the thicket...waiting there ahead of time to replace what we have bound and placed on the altar. We don't always see what God has already provided until we step out in faith, making our sacrifice. Step by step we are moving together again as he points out who, and how and when... God started a year and a half ago with telling me to "Arise", then to "Go", and most recently to,"Move". I am challenged to go into places where no one else is going. I am currently doing this alone, but God promises me the people and the resources when I obey and follow His dream, allowing it to become my dream.

Going on this mission trip to Malwai is part of this bigger dream. Although I am not certain what will come from it, God has shown me that I must go and when I do, He will reveal what I have needed all all along. It may seem strange that He would send me to Africa to grow me in places that need maturing, and then use me here in my own neighborhood, but Gods is always training us up... The ministry that he has for me here is most definitely connected to this trip. I only know what He has revealed, and I am trusting Him for the rest.

Whether starting a new ministry or  just deepening you relationship with the Lord...we must move forward with tenacity, faith, and trust. God has a dream, a well laid out plan...He will always be on the other side of it waiting with every provision, if we will only launch out for Him with joy in faith and love.

Habakkuk danced. This old testament prophet always brought his problems and his doubts to God instead of people. Habakkuk had come to God in grief because of the sin of his country (I can certainly identify with that!) He begged God to intervene. God answers "yes"...but the way He intervenes is by sending the Babylonian army to invade Judah and take the Jewish people captive. God's answer throws Habakkuk into total confusion. How could God do this?

How often do we come to God with our concerns, with our problems, with our doubts...and then we are confused by His answer. We go to God with complaint and already have in mind what His answer should be...(I can't remember a time when His answer was what I thought it would be). We come, not with contrite hearts, bowed down in worship, but with agendas and manipulations and control. We do not place our concerns at the foot of the cross, but we hold them with vice grip like hands, unwilling and unable to let go. We have our own idea of justice, and it rarely includes our self,ur family and friends,  or our country. Something is always wrong with the "other guy".

It is just human nature...Habakkuk, and you and me, we can't help complaining...there is a lot to complain about. After all "they" are always doing something wrong. I mean, "seriously God, how can you let this continue to happen", we think smugly. "You have to do something now!" we demand. But when God comes with his answer we struggle, we sputter, we tuck tale and run, holding grudges for the severity of His justice, never completely understanding our own rebellion.

The closest we will ever come to seeing the corrupted mess of our nature is in someone else. It is just the way it is, we sneer and snicker and point out flaws in everyone and anyone else, completely unaware of our own deviant ways.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:3

God doesn't pull any punches!...one bible translation actually says tree instead of plank...comparing a speck of dust to a tree...are we getting how ridiculous our self justifications appear to God! We are not fooling Him, and when we come to Him like a little brother, tattling on our Big sister, He will impart justice...we never see it coming and then run away in a temper tantrum defiant, kicking and screaming with a raised fist and a closed heart.

Habakkuk did something different...He worshiped! As the book of Habakkuk progresses, this prophet moves from challenging God to worshipping Him.

"But the Lord is in His Holy temple. Let all the earth be silent before him." - Habakkuk 2:20

The book ends with his statement of faith:"Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation" - Habakkuk 3:18

The word rejoice is very descriptive in the Hebrew language. It literally means to "spin around for joy". Habakkuk declared that when the invasion by the Babylonians came, he would be dancing, he would spin around with joy. He had bowed his will to God's will, even when he didn't understand, and he vowed to demonstrate his trust with exuberant worship.

Some people when they don't trust God may say in a resigned way,"Okay God, I'll trust you." But how many will spin around for joy in their God when He makes no sense? Habakkuk was secure in God. He knew that the will of God would never take him where the grace of God would not protect him.

I want a heart of worship like that! I want to dance and spin joyously in the midst of any situation because I trust God....

Excuse me, I have to go now, I have some dancing to do!

Fire is used multiple times in the bible to describe or represent the Lord. Fire is also symbolic of hell. The fire symbolic of hell, is the fire of God's judgement. Secular society associates fire with Satan, ( but somehow they do not realize they should be associating judgement with Satan...the enemy does not control the fire as many cartoonish versions of hell are portrayed, but the fire controls him) The bible only talks about the lake of fire which will imprison him. All other references to fire describe the Lord.

In Exodus chapter three, Moses encounters God in the burning bush...a flame that burns but does not consume. God was found in a pillar of fire that gave the Israelites light and protection. God required that the fire on the altar must be forever kept burning to represent His eternal flame. In Leviticus chapter 9 "fire came out from his presence." In 2Kings a chariot of fire came for Elijah to take him to heaven. Isaiah chapter 30 says, "and his tongue is a consuming fire". In Jeremiah God refers to his word as fire. In Daniel four men "walked around in the fire". Malachi states that the Lord " is a refiners fire". In Matthew the Holy Spirit descended as fire. In the book of Acts tongues of fire that separated fell on those speaking. ( I believe that I have made my point)

It is not until the bible speaks of judgement that fire is something which destroys. What fire destroys is sin...the imperfect... the dross of life. When a refiner is clarifying silver or gold, the dross is burned away until pure metal is all that remains. The enemy will be cast in a lake of eternal fire (Jude1:7) The lake of fire is called the second death (Rev20:14) In the end even the elements will be destroyed by fire (2Peter 3:10)

God is Holy...set apart...pure. God is a constant Holy flame. Many will be consumed and rebuked and punished when the end of time comes as we know it, but take heart, for God has saved us through Jesus His son, from this fire of judgement.

"Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. The lord said to Satan 'The Lord rebuke you Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you. Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?'Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing near him,'Take off his filthy clothes.' Then he said to Joshua 'See I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you." - Zechariah 3:1-4

God takes us, and even while the enemy stands accusing us of our sinfulness, the Lord himself rebukes him because he has chosen us (no other reason than God's amazing character...a totally wonderful gift to us!) and he pulls us from the burning flames (where we belong) and takes away our sin and covers us with new clothes fit for his royal children.

In Jude 1:17-22, we are commissioned to do the same: "But dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord foretold. They said to you, in the last times, there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires. These are men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit. But you dear friends,build yourself up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them, to others show mercy, mixed with fear - hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh."

Are you near the holy fire of God, having been saved, but still being refined?...or are you set aside even now, for an eternal fire of judgement that will keep you in torment? God will come and judge...the day IS coming...are you like a stick already burning in the fire? If you ask, He will pull you out and put rich new clothes on you...he will cover you in the blood of Jesus the perfect sacrifice...He will give you eternal life or you may choose eternal torment.

I don't know about you, but the first time that I read Zecheriah chapter three and realized that I was an already a burning stick in the fire, and that God reached in and pulled me out by the means of His merciful love...that he then took my filthiness and covered me in rich garments meant for the heirs of his throne, for royalty...I was undone. Yes, God is good, there is no reason why I will ever deserve his favor, but He gives it to me and I am made new, forever!

I am frustrated. I hear so many Christians talking about how busy they are. They rattle off a litany of responsibilities that they themselves signed up for. They do not take the time to spend with the Lord and wonder why they have no peace. They live on coffee and energy drinks and wonder why they are getting sick. They spend Sundays rushing from one task to the next, having forgotten the Lord's command to rest.

Many wonderful people whom I love dearly need to stop and rest!

When was the last time that you rested? When was the last time that you sat at the feet of Jesus and got lost in Him? When was the last time that you set yourself apart and worshiped in your home, tears flowing down your face as you expressed your great love and spoke words from you spirit that have no equal in any language? When was the last time that you spent with Jesus that wasn't on a Sunday morning at church?

I understand that we all have commitments. You have to go to work. If you have kids you have to care for them. If you are married you need to make time for your spouse. Everyone needs to have some fun and relaxation....but we were made to worship God. Our souls long to unite with Him. If you are short changing this pivotal relationship, you are hurting yourself.

"I can love God and still have a life!" you say quite indignantly...I get it, you are busy with "good" things, maybe they are even things that you are doing for church or in ministry for God, but if you are not investing in your relationship with Him, your life will begin to fall apart.

It's funny, one of the main things that many of my team members said at our last Malawi meeting was that they were so busy...that they needed to spend time with God....that they knew this, but still were struggling. It was difficult for me to hear. I know all people are different with unique personalities, but spending time with God is a discipline...it takes time, commitment, intention, and hard work. Spending time with him means not doing other things...it means saying NO!

A number of years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (this was my third auto-immune disease in five years) I was in the hospital. I had practically every test done known to man. I was laid flat on my back for months, unable to do the most menial things. My heart raced at 160 beats per minute while sedentary. My breathing was uncomfortable and I had something called brain fog, which makes you feel disconnected and frustrated. Simple thoughts cannot find their way through the maze and daze of this disease and it is rather like viewing the world from a movie camera instead of experiencing it in real time. I spent many days crying after speaking to my children because it didn't really feel like I was present with them...it was a horrible time.

During my illness there was little that I could do...literally the Lord became what He should have been already, my best friend. I needed Him to eat (I had sudden allergy to many foods and substances) Every time I ate there was an underlying fear that this would be yet another "epi-pen moment". I needed Him to breath (there would be times that my inhaler did not work and prayer was all that I could rely on as I gasped and sputtered, trying to get a breath). I needed him to think (as I said before they call one of the symptoms brain fog which pretty much speaks for itself. The simplest tasks were impossible and my brain was unable to function properly, no driving, no reading, no speaking...completely cut off). As time passed praying and worship and trying to focus and read the bible were my only activities. When people meet me today and hear how disciplined I am and how much of my day is spent with God they seem annoyed ("isn't that kind of lifestyle over the top?" they ask me). Many Christian friends tell me that they just can't afford that kind of time...or ask why in the world would I get up at 5 a.m. every morning just to sit with God.

God had to lay me out, knock me down, and bring me to my knees. I needed to be that sick before I cleared my schedule and started asking God what I should be doing. Listen to me carefully...I was a committed Christian when I got sick. I was in ministry daily for my job and filled many important roles at my church. I was not however, giving my relationship with Jesus the attention it deserved and required! God did me a solid favor when He took away my health, He cleared my schedule for time with Him.

Recently I sent an email to my fellow team mates for the mission trip. I thought that we could bond better if we shared prayer concerns and got to know one another better. I sent the email in good faith after praying and feeling that this was something God wanted me to do. I have continued to pray for each team member. I sent the email on a Friday morning...(today is Monday morning) I have only gotten one response...it was from my own daughter! You see, I understand that everyone is busy. Many of them probably haven't checked their email because they were busy...others saw the email but haven't responded because they were very busy...and others might just not know what they need prayer for because they are so busy. It is nothing personal...and yet it is essential to our success in ministry when we get to Malwai. We must take this time to prepare, to hear what the Lord has for us to do. Believe me He has a specific plan for us as individuals and as a team. This trip is not just about the time we will be in Africa...it is about God's ultimate plan for saving the world...it is connected to many other things that we may never understand and may never see. It is a responsibility that we need to fully comprehend.

I continue to pray, asking God to help me encourage this group. I continue to desire unity and bonding so we can go as a unit able to handle whatever comes our way. We are going to encounter spiritual warfare (which is why so many people are so busy in the first place!) of many kinds, we may encounter dangers and sickness and unforeseen trauma...we need to be able to depend on one another.

I know that God says that we do not have, because we do not ask:

"You do not have what you want because you do not ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don't get it because your motives are all wrong-you want only what will give you pleasure."

- James 4:2-3

James mentions the most common problems in prayer: not asking, asking for the wrong things, or asking for the wrong reasons. Do you talk to God at all? When you do, what do you talk about? Do you ask only to satisfy your desires? Do you seek God's approval for what you already plan to do? Your prayers will become powerful when you allow God to change your desires so that they perfectly correspond to His will for you. 

 " And we will receive from Him whatever we ask because we obey Him and do the things that please Him."- 1John 3:21-22

Please pray for my team...for me...for unity and healthy relationships with the Lord. Thank you.

What am I willing to do for the gospel to be heard? I am willing to do whatever it takes. If it made any sense for me to wear scripture on my face like Tim Tebow, I would. If  millions of people were paying attention to me, I would take advantage of the opportunity to preach Christ. Tim Tebow took a stand. He used his position to further the gospel. Might I applaud him here? Well done Tim!

So what in the world could this possibly have to do with my mission trip? Today I spent a few hours with a friend of mine going over our testimonies for the mission trip. We were asked to get our stories down to 300 words or less. For me, that seemed an impossibility (I am if nothing else, verbose). I enjoy the way words fall together and play upon on each other...the mysterious music of language. I appreciate descriptive adjectives and action packed verbs. To ask me to limit the most important story of my life to 300 words was some sort of blasphemy.

I had worked at it and worked at it...chopping away sentence after sentence...lopping off hunks of personal information. When I was done, only the facts remained. What I did before Christ, followed by how I came to accept Christ and then ultimately who I became in Christ.

As we read to each other it occurred to me that we needed more action words. Earlier this morning during my quiet time I was fixed on the word Shema. Shema is a Hebrew word that means to hear. Many Jewish people recite the Shema prayer two times a day. The prayer states that the people are to "hear" the Lord God. Being who I am (a bit of a weirdo) I looked up the word in Hebrew to discover a riveting truth. Shema not only means to hear, but to hear and then obey! Wow, how many times does Jesus say, " He who has ears, let him hear."...let him hear and obey. The truth is we want to hear at best, but to obey requires sacrifice...to obey is where we pick up our crosses and follow Jesus.

The English language has over 400,00 words, while the Hebrew language is limited to the thousands. Due to the task of describing reality, each word in Hebrew is jam packed with a myriad of meanings. In English we have so many words to choose from that we assume every word in another language has merely one meaning. I began to think about the task of translating my testimony into another language for this trip to Malawi. I wondered if they had a language more similar in its function as Hebrew and if my slimming down my story to actions would change its impact.

It made such a difference! It brought strength and validity to the story somehow. It was like the difference between reading a story in the newspaper filled with facts, and hearing the ponderings of a dreamy philosopher. One is down to earth and tangible, the other is based on intellect and feelings which are more difficult to articulate.

I continue the challenge of retelling my story. God gave each of us a unique testimony. Throughout the years I have shared it in many ways with different types of people in different situations both with and without time constraints. The story is basically the same, it is the audience which changes. I am willing to do whatever it takes to know my own story so well that no matter what happens I will be prepared to share.

I may never have an audience the size of Tim Tebow's, but if I share every where, in every opportunity, I can reach a multitude for Christ. Those who know me know the stories of me sharing Jesus in stores, on customer service calls, in traffic, in my place of employment, and even one time, in the bathroom...we need to be ready. We have been given a command to go and share. We have no way of knowing what kind of soil our seed will fall on...our job is to sow the seed.

"A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundred-fold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear."

Why do we grumble? If you look back in the Old testament, the Israelites were proficient grumblers. The word Grumble means to mutter in discontent.

"The whole community of Israel complained about Moses and Aaron. 'If only the Lord had killed us back in Egypt', they moaned.'There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death. Then the Lord said to Moses,'Look, I'm going to rain down food from heaven for you. Each day the people can go out and pick up as much food as they need for that day." - Exodus 16:2-4

Now please remember, this grumbling came after being freed from horrific slavery. The food that these men and women were glorifying, was given only to have the energy it provided stolen back from them during hard labor for the Egyptians. Later in the same desert, the people grumbled against the Manna sent from heaven...perfect food provided daily evidently was not good enough for them... they also wanted meat. God sent them quail in response to their lack of thankfulness. Next, the Israelites complained about not having any water. God heard their complaining and provided water from a rock.

Do you see the theme here? People are delivered and alive when they had been captive and dying...they want more. They look back to the past, however horrible it might be, and romanticize it, remembering only what they choose and forgetting all of the lack. They grumble against those God has chosen to lead them. They complain about being hungry. After receiving food they want something else. They whine about being thirsty. Not once does any one stop to thank God for what He has just done. Not one person asks God in prayer for provision...no, they, as we, complain instead about where they are and what they have.

It was just three days after the Lord had brought the people through the red sea...a mere 72 hours since they had sung to the Lord;

 "For He is highly exalted; the horse and its rider He has hurled into the sea. The Lord is my strength and song. Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in praises, working wonders?" -Exodus 15:11

They grumbled and grumbled and grumbled against anything and everything...but Moses said that their grumbling was actually against the Lord (Exodus16:8)

It is so easy to point a finger, but we are a lot like them. When trials come, and we experience emotional hunger and thirst, we too forget God's provision and move from gratitude to complaint.

Do all peoples grumble? No. Elisabeth Elliot was surprised to discover that the children of the Auca Indians that she worked with in South America never grumbled or complained. She believes they didn't grumble because they had not been taught to grumble. They had never heard their parents grumbling.

I wonder what my children have learned from me? What have your children learned from you?


Both grumbling and complaining contain the element of fault-finding. when we complain we make a charge or accusation. Many times times our fault-finding is with God. When we grumble, we make a charge against Him. Thanksgiving on the other hand always involves praise to God.

There will always be something in life that you could complain about. But you can choose to find ways instead to praise God...to be thankful. Hannah Whitehall Smith observed this about gratitude and grumbling: "The soul that gives thanks can find comfort in everything; the soul that complains can find comfort in nothing."

Even more important consider what God has to say about our hearts:Ten men from the most pitiful element of society came to Jesus for healing. They had a feared disease: leprosy. Lepers were outcasts from society, estranged from their families, hidden away in caves. Their misery was beyond description.

"Jesus was walking past their village, and these ten men stood at a distance, crying out to him. 'Jesus, master, have mercy on us!' Jesus looked on their deep pain and said,'Go show yourselves to the priests.' And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy. One of them when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting,'Praise God!' He fell to the ground at Jesus' feet, thanking him over and over for what he had done.This man was a Samaritan. Jesus asked,'Didn't I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?"  Luke 17:11-19

We learn from this story that Jesus heals! We also learn that when we get what we want, we like the nine lepers, can easily take credit and go on our merry way, forgetting to give thanks to God. In addition this story illustrates that Jesus equates giving thanks with giving glory to God.

Who are you? Are you the man who came running back to thank Jesus over and over? Or are you one of the nine who takes their healing and merely walks away? You can change right now. You can choose to run back, to throw yourself at His feet, to thank Him. Please, take some time right now to thank your Good father in heaven! Glorify Him! Praise Him!...This is what we were created for...

Honestly, some days I just don't know what I should write about. It's not that I don't have anything to say...it's that I have so much to say. I have been journaling since I came to Christ over 11 years ago. I believe that God reveals himself to people in many different ways. In my case, God speaks in parables about my every day life. I see "sermonettes" in just about everything. This makes blogging really hard for me. I am only certain that this is good discipline and that I need to push myself to be fully committed to being able to articulate my thoughts so as to share this Malawi experience in it's entirety someday. I sit down each morning to write, and never have a plan about what I will share. I pray and journal and read the bible and then decide where to begin. Today I opened the bible randomly and came to this scripture:

"The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him. For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust." - Psalm 103:13-14

God is like a father - tender and compassionate. Not every child has a tender and compassionate father however. Too often, sadly, the cycles of abuse and dysfunction rob children of loving fathers. If that is your situation, God offers Himself to be the father you never had or perhaps felt you never needed. You can receive His love in your heart by means of His Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). God can tenderly heal your deep loss.

There are many people who have received parents who have not played the positive encouraging roles that they were meant to...I know many abused and confused and refused ones...all of whom are adults who now struggle with the love of God as their father. I know just as many people who struggle with a mother who did not fill the parental role of protector and compassionate one. We need parents as children...we need love, provision, protection, support, encouragement, discipline, boundaries, challenges, inspiration...we need LOVE. When we do not receive these things we begin to rely on ourselves. We wall off certain places in our hearts and keep guard over them, vowing to be our own protectors.

God did not plan for dysfunction. The father, the mother, each have clearly defined roles in his model of a family, as does the child. But let's remember what happened here folks, it was Adam and Eve who changed everything with their rebellion...they stepped out from under the plan that God had for them...all creation fell and chaos eclipsed the goodness of God's order.

We want to blame God for what is lacking...Not only is it not His fault, but even in the midst of our falleness, He remembers that we are merely dust...He is willing and able to fulfill the role of "Parent" in every life. He is willing and able to heal your heart. He did not plan for the loss that you have had and grieved along side of you in the midst of it. What is it about our nature that we always want to blame God for what is wrong and rarely thank him for what is right? Our nature wants to be on the throne of our hearts...our nature does not belong there...only Jesus is able to sit on the throne. Jesus came and died for us. God sent his only son to die so that He could adopt us all and redeem us from the dysfunction of this world. God sent Jesus to save you! God loves you! God wants you!

"I thought to myself 'I would love to treat you as my own children!' I wanted nothing more than to give you this beautiful land - the finest possession in the world. I looked forward to you calling me Father and I wanted you never to turn from me."  Jeremiah 3:19

It is we who need to acknowledge and accept God as the father, as the mother, as the one who genuinely wants us unconditionally. In Christ you are in the Father and the Father is in you. We are connected, we are eternally family through the redeeming love of Jesus. Don't refuse the one who is loving you even though you don't acknowledge Him...let Him in to the places that you have been defending...let him heal your broken heart...let him love you the way He intended for you to be loved!

Today is my 48th Birthday. If I could have it my way I would have spent every day of those 48 years serving the Lord. But somehow God took years of chaos and disobedience and turned them to good. He has helped me to use them to reach countless young people going down the same crooked path. He has used them to humble me and keep my heart focused on him. He has used them to help me understand the lost ones that need His truth. He has used them more than I could have imagined.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." - Romans 8:28

I clearly remember one day a few years after I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, I was kind of wallowing in guilt and remorse for having taken so long to come to Him. I was regretting all of the mistakes that I had made and mourning all of the years that I had wasted. I opened my bible randomly and came to this word from God:

"I will repay you for the years that the locusts have eaten." - Joel 2:25

I began to weep openly and eventually was crying so hard that my bottom lip quivered and my shoulders were heaving up and down (it was one of those "from your toes" cries that leaves you oddly refreshed)...God knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling and in His kindness would repay me for the years eaten up by my insolence. He would somehow bless me for all of the lost time together. Wow, this is the God whom I serve...there are no words adequate to describe His love. The degree of compassion of a loving father, who cares for you without condition, melts the heart and spirit at once and leaves you completely undone.

I celebrate today, not in a narcissistic way, but in the joy of knowing that I am here another year. That today I do serve the Lord. That this little life of mine is fruitful and has eternal purpose. In just 11 years God has turned me around and made me into a blessing instead of a curse. Through the redeeming power of Jesus Christ I am abundantly alive. I wake each day joyful and focused, offering my life for His purposes and plans. I start each day excited for the opportunities that I will have to share His perfect love.

Today is my birthday...a gift to me, a time to remember the one who gave me birth, the one who breathed life into us all, the Holy one who is reigning over all the heavens and earth. My Father, my comforter, my friend. Today is a good day. I am thankful for a life so bountiful and abundant. I am blessed.

Happy Mother's day! I remember when my kids were little, giving up things so that they would have as much as I could possibly give them. There were many lean years as a mother and times when I sacrificed things that my children will never know about (and so I can't tell you about them because they read this blog) Let's just says that a mother gets more joy out of blessing their child than she ever gets from being blessed.

My children are nine years apart in age. One is a girl and one is a boy. They are completely different in many ways, but we all three have one thing in common...our sense of humor. We are all a bit sarcastic ( to say the least). We just get each other. It is awesome. We have our own language...jokes that no one else understands. We have sayings and slang words and expressions that can make us laugh even during the most serious moments.

I am so grateful! God in His goodness has Lauren back home while she earns her Master's degree while Jackson is in high school. I have one last season of late-nite laughter...sit down and share mealtimes and giggling so hard that I cannot see through the tears, laughter that comes from the belly, laughter that throws me onto the floor heaving and gasping for breath (they are REALLY funny!)...I am blessed.

I never would have been able to guess what a special bond I would have with my children. God has given me people to live with whom I admire and am inspired by. I don't just love my kids because they are mine...I love them because they have noble character.

Before I came to Christ I made so many horrible decisions, I know that I gave my own mother more worry and grief than a mother should ever have, and yet God blessed me with children who know and love Him. He spared me the heartache which I had caused and loved me more than I can understand. As a matter of fact, one of the best arguments to prove that God is gracious and not at all like man is that I didn't get the children that I deserved...instead I received children who enrich my life and bless me daily. I was gifted with kids who are obedient to God's ways in a day and age when being a true Christ Follower makes you a definite minority.

I cannot wait to see their lives unfold and watch as these fine young people produce fruit for God's kingdom. I try with every ounce of my being to be an arrow forever pointing them to the only perfect parent; God. I have revealed to them my mistakes and the repercussions that came along with them and tried to make clear how very important it is to guard their hearts. I pray every day, every moment that they will have lives abundant from the riches of Christ Jesus as their Lord and Savior. God blessed me beyond compare when He made me a mother...I am forever grateful for the privilege.

"Guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life." - Proverbs 4:23

There is no greater advice that I can give them than to always obey the Lord, to guard themselves from exposure to things of this world, to keep strongholds of the enemy from forming in their hearts. It has taken me 11 years to weed through the thick and destructive thorn bushes in my heart, to pull up roots of rebellion, selfishness and pride. I have spent countless hours pouring out my heart like water before the Lord...begging him to take the thorn from my side. Ironically the thorns that still hindered me all came from my own hand. Every decision that I had made before I came to Christ had been in rebellion to God. The ways of the world had bound me in chains and dysfunction and sealed me off in a pit. God was gracious and long suffering and eventually freed me from despair. As a mother I want to spare my children from the incessant work of cleaning out a heart of the overgrown tangled mess of disobedience. I have given up many things for my children, but the most precious thing that I could ever give them is Jesus.

If I have done my job right, generations in our family line will be blessed by walking with the Lord with circumcised hearts rich with good soil and abundant in harvest for God's kingdom. I have the best job in the world; making sure that my children know the truth...And that truth is JESUS!

"Trust in the lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6

God is always working behind the scenes. Scripture tells us that He goes before us and makes a way...our job is to believe and to wait, trusting that He knows best and is busy weaving together every thread of our lives. In His perfect love, He even takes the threads of our disobedience, and the falleness of  creation and spins and weaves them into a beautiful fabric, somehow working even the most destructive and horrible things to good. I can't begin to fathom how He does it...my most difficult season brought me into a closer relationship with Him...I was strengthened and grew in knowledge of His word...I worshiped Him in my brokenness and came face to face with my Lord. Although gut wrenching at times, I would not trade a moment of my desert walks with Jesus.

Sometimes we are praying for something completely unaware that God already has answered the prayer. I can think of a two examples that pertain directly to our Malawi mission trip. First story belongs to Jenn. Jenn was apprehensive about fund raising for the trip. I totally understand as four thousand dollars is a lot of money. Although raising it still seems impossible, I know in whom I believe, and for God four thousand dollars is certainly not a challenge. I have learned to sit back and wait to see how I am delivered from things which "Seem" impossible. Jenn was struggling nonetheless, and it was evident that she was worried. As her mentor I tried assuring her many times in many different ways that when God calls us to go for Him, He also provides the way to go. I reminded her of other times in her life when God had come through and suggested that she concentrate on those times...but as she is human, she still had moments of worry. Knowing this, God had prompted a friend of hers to make a donation to the Pure Mission website. At the very moment that we stood outside in a parking lot after a church event...(me quoting scriptures about God's provision and assuring her that He was making a way, that He always goes ahead of us)...the money was sitting in her account. When she received the email she dared to hope that the amount wasn't a typo...her friend had donated two thousand dollars! (That is half of the trip cost!).

I share Jenn's story because it can be quite a far distance between what we think in our own minds, and what God tells us is true in His word. We can have two thousand dollars sitting in our account and be worrying about how we are going to collect our mission trip money. The lesson here is we must believe sometimes before we see...the answer is on it's way but often it takes longer than we would like.

"Don't be afraid Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come to answer your prayer. But for twenty one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit of the kingdom of Persia." - Daniel 10:12-13

Basically, Daniel prayed. God heard it in heaven. God sent and angel with the answer to his prayer. The angel was intercepted by a demon and they battled. During these three weeks Daniel continued to pray. The prayer already had an answer, but because of spiritual warfare, it took three weeks to come. Sometimes the answer takes longer than others. Evidently there are things happening in the heavens that we cannot see nor understand. They are however happening and we need to be reminded to not be afraid...to wait with faith...to trust God.

The second story is about Amy. Amy is on my Malawi team. Each meeting Amy shows up excited and ready to be part of the team. The only difference for Amy is that Amy lives in Texas. Amy attends the meetings via skype and telephone. Although she technically has been at each meeting, she was beginning to feel disconnected from the group. Every time we turned pages in our notebooks it sounded to her like a thunderous roll of  chaos and static on the line. When we talked about our fears and our concerns around the table, we passed Amy (she was on a cell phone) around the room so that she could hear, but every time someone laughed it drowned out what others were saying. Amy was feeling out of sync with the team.

I had no idea how Amy was feeling, but God did. Amy had been praying for Him to make a way for her, to help her to feel more connected. After our meeting a strong feeling in my heart tugged at my attention like a toddler wanting something from his mother...it was incessant and would not stop. I walked around the table to Al (Amy is his mother) and found myself asking him how I could be praying for her. As he told me a bit about her I offered to give him my phone number so that she and I could talk. Al gave me his mother's number and I told him that I would be calling her. God continued to have Amy on my heart. I began praying for her regularly. I began to feel like I knew her.

The morning came when I was free to talk on the phone for awhile and I called Amy. She answered and I explained who I was and why I was calling. That moment Amy shared how she had been praying for this, and how she had felt after our meeting (right when God put her on my heart). We became fast friends. We talked at length and it became clear that we were very much alike. We shared a bit of our journey with each other and exchanged skype addresses and email addresses and agreed to keep in touch every few days. God had answered Amy's prayer as soon as she had offered it...it was a few days before I called her, but the call was coming.

Seeing behind the scenes like this, we get an awesome glimpse of how God is working. When we don't get an answer to prayer right away, there may be an answer waiting, there may be spiritual warfare occurring, or there may just be a phone call about to come any day...What I do know is that there is an answer on its way...our job is to wait and believe.

Hold your position! Often waiting seems like there is nothing happening but the passing of time. This is an illusion. The bible says that those who wait are strengthened:

"But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

Growing up I always equated waiting with being sedentary. It seemed that when I waited, I was inactive and what I waited for was also inactive. Then the moment would come when the elusive answer would arrive. I think the reason waiting feels this way is because our focus becomes laser pointed at one thing. We eat sleep and work thinking only of whatever we are waiting for until it arrives. But as I have matured, I realize that waiting can be the most active thing that I do. When I wait I am hoping for an outcome. I become tethered to what I wait for, and begin to believe that something is going to happen. Now it's true that sometimes what I want to occur is totally unreasonable or improbable or impossible...but we all have hopes and dreams. And so I wait anyway. But when we wait on a promise of God, we never wait in vain.

In scripture there is a prophet named Elijah who is the best example I know of someone who waits because he believes something to be true. He knows that God promised something and he knows that God always keeps his promises. Because of this knowledge, his waiting was an act of believing...his believing strengthened him as he held fast in one position. When we wait for something that God has promised, we never wait in vain.

"Elijah went to the top of Mount Carmel and bowed low to the ground and prayed with his face between his knees. Then he said to his servant,'go and look towards the sea.' The servant went and looked, then returned to Elijah and said, 'I didn't see anything.' Seven times Elijah told him to go and look. Finally the seventh time his servant told him, 'I saw a little cloud about the size of a man's hand rising from the sea.' Then Elijah shouted 'Hurry to Ahab and tell him, climb into your chariot and go back home. If you don't hurry the heavy rains will stop you.' And soon the sky was thick with clouds. A heavy wind brought a terrific rainstorm. Then the Lord gave special strength to Elijah. He tucked his cloak into his belt and ran ahead of Ahab's chariot all the way to Jezereel." - 1Kings18:42-45

(Did I mention that this was in the midst of a three year drought! Yes Elijah had prayed three years before, for God to close the skies...and for three years until this day, not a drop of rain had fallen to the ground.)

You see, Elijah knew exactly what he was waiting for. When it says that he sent his servant to look seven times, you need to realize that he didn't send him a few feet away to look for the cloud, but he sent him up to the top of Mount Carmel and back down again SEVEN times! The reason that Elijah didn't stop waiting is because God had given him the promise. God had told Elijah that there would be a heavy rain. (To expect any rain, even one drop, after three years of drought filled days, takes enormous faith.)

When we choose to believe God, we will never be disappointed. Time after time, story after story, promise after promise...God ALWAYS comes through.!

Now when I wait I am thankful for the time to sit and strengthen my faith, my belief in the only one worth believing in. My hopes are in the one true God whose character is set apart, perfect, and Holy. I know in whom I believe and I am able to hold fast.

During our Malawi small team meeting, people voiced their concerns about different aspects of preparing for the trip to Africa. Although all of them were understandable, God has shown me favor by granting me peace. I really have no apprehensions about the trip. I am enjoying the focus of my prayer time and quiet time with God and able to worship Him in an even deeper way as I lean on Him and trust in His plans for me.

I had an idea for leading worship with my small group this week that might just come in handy for my Malawi team as well. I have found that sometimes tangible reminders of the Lord's faithfulness help us during difficult times. Unfortunately human nature dictates that we will forget the amazing things that have been done for us quickly and easily if we don't continue to remind ourselves. Moses had not been up on the mountain with God very long before his brother Aaron and the Israelites had decided that he was never returning and that they needed to make a golden idol. As they melted their gold earrings and bracelets and fashioned them into a calf to worship, they even had the gall to thank the inanimate object for delivering them from Egypt!

We are not very good at staying focused. We humans are a bit dim witted...no wonder Jesus uses the ever so smart sheep (they are truly one of the dumbest animals around!) to describe us. Yet a sheep with a good shepherd can have a wonderful life as he walks with the one who knows where the green grass is and where the still water can be found. A sheep has no defenses...(unlike a porcupine with its quills,or a jungle cat with its sharp teeth and claws)...a sheep has a plump little body with tenuous fragile legs and a thick heavy coat able to keep him flat on his back if he tips over. But when a sheep is walking with a good shepherd he is protected...the shepherd has a rod and a staff to help him...the rod to fight off predators and the staff to scoop him up when he falls over.


In the bible there is mention numerous times about what they called an "Ebenezer". An Ebenezer was a monument of stone made precisely for the purpose of remembering. When God did something wonderful, they built a monument to Him in order to remember. As the memories faded from generation to generation, children would walk by such a structure and ask"What is that there for?", and parents would retell the story of what their great God had done. One of the most famous Ebenezers in the bible God actually commanded them to make. When the Israelite's were crossing the Jordan to get to the promised land, God commanded them to take twelve stones from the center of the Jordan floor bed,  one for each tribe of Israel, and pile them into a permanent reminder of what had been done for them (For those of you who don't know the story, God had separated the swelling flood waters of the Jordan so that His people could pass through to the promised Land. Just like when he parted the red sea, God was able to do what was impossible for His people to do alone)

Getting back to my idea for leading worship...So I thought that I could bring a number of small smooth stones in a bowl and some sharpie markers. Before we engaged in worship I would encourage everyone to write on their stone a remembrance of a time that God did something for them in their life. Then as we all worship to hold these stones in our hands, to move them through our fingers feeling the smooth texture and hefty weight of the stones as we sing our praises to the Lord... to use a tactile sense while praising...to cement in our hearts what God has done, and will do in our lives. God will guide us and protect us just as the good shepherd guides and protects the sheep. I thought that I could send everyone home that night with a tangible reminder of how great their God can be so that when times of difficulty or doubt come, they could pick up their stone and remember.

I am considering asking my team leader Ryan, if our Malawi team could engage in this exercises and each put into writing something amazing that God has done in our lives...maybe we could all bring these stones with us on the trip in case adversity comes while we are away.

I wish we didn't need to be reminded...I wish we didn't have the flaky preoccupied minds of bleating sheep, but we do. I believe this is why we are to renew our minds, to keep replacing fear and doubt and disbelief, with God's strength, and certainty, and trust.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what god's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will." - Romans 12:2

Now, I challenge you to go make an Ebenezer of some sort...be creative, it just needs to be a tangible thing, plant a flower, build something, go outside and bring something back into your home....what ever it is decide that when you look at it or pick it up and hold it, you will praise God for the wonderful things he has done for you. Attach a specific memory to your item and when you see it, remember Him...

Below see a picture of an actual Ebenezer erected to thank God for His faithfulness in Israel (I suggest that you try using something a bit smaller...lol)