As I mentioned in my last post, I am in the midst of a change of season in my life. Change is most certainly good. Change means that I am first of all alive (always a good thing), and change means secondly that I am growing. Now part of that growth is in years (ugh) but part of that growth is in spiritual maturity. Growing and bearing fruit takes many different seasons...seeds are planted, watered and weathered. Next a sprout breaks through from the darkness into light and stretches upward, unfolding and expanding. The leaves are soon joined by flowers and the flowers pinpoint each place where fruit may grow. The fruit depends on the strength of the plant, it's root system, the soil it's in...the sun and the rain...fruit starts small and can fall off before it ages to the ripened state. Fruit takes time....lots and lots of time.

 

We don't care for waiting in America. As a matter of fact, we greatly dislike it! We are poked and prodded daily by the next "great thing" to come along which will provide instant gratification for our "most deserving" little selves. We have convinced ourselves that worldly immediate pleasures are what we need, but God says, "Wait with Me"..."Be much with Me"..."Bear fruit for My kingdom".

 

I struggle sometimes, even though I know that God's kingdom works differently than this place where I live. I struggle to quiet myself and to feel satisfied in the waiting. I struggle to remember God's promises that I do not wait in vain, and that I never wait alone...that He sees me.

 

 Many years ago I read a book by Anne Spangler called, "Praying the Names of God". This book was a great resource and comfort. She went through many Hebrew names for God found in the bible and unpacked each one with informative bits of information and cultural truths unknown to me (a gentile). It was to say the least, eye opening...but it was personal and endearing to understand some more about God's character. El Roi, which means; the God who sees me, came from the bible story about Hagar (Abram's  Egyptian slave who went out into the desert with her son after Sarai had Abram get her pregnant and then despised Hagar for it). After Hagar became pregnant Sarai mistreated her and Hagar fled.  The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert. He asked where she was coming from and where she was going. She told him and he encouraged her and told her of her son's future and that her descendants from him would be "too numerous to count".  She had no water and left the boy by a tree to die because she could not bear to watch. But, "God heard the boy crying, and the angel of the Lord called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, 'What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Lift the boy up and take him by the hand for I will make him into a great nation.' Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water, and gave the boy a drink." - Genesis 21:17-19

 

"The Lord looks down from heaven; He sees all mankind. From where he sits enthroned He watches all the inhabitants of the earth- He who fashions the hearts of them all, and observes all their deeds." - Psalm 33:13

 

I immediately connected with the many times that I had been enduring a wilderness season...feeling desperate and completely alone, thirsty and ready to give up, when I heard the voice of the Lord who gently reminded me that He sees me...He sees me, He sees you, there is nothing that He is not aware of, and although much of what we endure is dry and barren and like Hagar, unfair treatment by the cruel circumstances of the world around us, we are never alone, God is with us.

 

What comfort to know El Roi, the God who sees me. Who never sleeps or wanders away preoccupied with some other more important matter...He is able to watch over me and you and every one of His children. God is not man, God is God...All powerful and omnipresent with dominion and sovereignty over everything that He has made (which is everything!). "He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber or sleep. The Lord watches over you - The  Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. " - Psalm 1213, 5-8

 

We have no reason to accuse God of abandoning us...His word says differently. When we feel alone we need to remember that God sees us. As I move into the unknown, God sees me. He not only knows where I am and what I am going through but He is with me. Each new step that I take He takes with me. Our culture teaches us to rely on "feelings"...feelings aren't an accurate barometer of truth...they are skewed, fallen, broken...

 

When I have moments of feeling all alone, I look up, and remember the truth of where my help comes from...."I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- He who watches over you will not slumber." - Psalm 121:1-3